Summer, summer, summertime....

.....Time to sit back and unwind



Ah, summer is upon us. While most of the time I love me job, and I am well aware that teachers don't *really* leave works at three each day and spend three months doing absolutely nothing, I still relish the very idea of summer vacation. I have eight glorious weeks of semi-freedom- Sean is in summer care (thank you my wonderful husband- not sure how much longer I will be able to convince him to do that); I don't have classes at that dreadful UAB, and I have very few occasions to feel inclined to be at the school- at least until the end of July.

My "School Year Resolutions" were largely broken and immediately forgotten, but I am reminded of Shai's letter (my last blog from October). I did have a rough year, my hardest so far. I'm not sure if I can pinpoint why. I really thought I was supposed to hit my stride this year, so perhaps over-confidence did me in? I know the fault lies entirely with me, not my administration or my students. However, I also concede that I am often my own worst enemy and harshest critic. I think if someone were to interview my students most of the comments would be positive and praising. I *know* I was still that "spark" for many.

I also know why I my resolutions were left behind. First semester was smooth-sailing, but during the second semester, I was coerced by some students to try out for the school production of Thornton Wilder's classic "Our Town." I did it, mostly because I never in a million years thought I would get a part, but to have a good story to tell about facing fears and shooting for the stars, and all that melodramatic motivational speaker blah-blah-blah. Instead I found myself in a six-week grueling rehearsal, completely out of my comfort zone and usually scared to death. But I DID it! A picture of the beautiful Webb family submitted for your approval and "Awww"ing.


And once I finished that in February, what did I do? Why immediately jumped into almost three months of rehearsal for a bit part in the school production of "The Wizard of Oz". A true glutton for punishment I know! Despite the long hours (and the ten pounds I put on from late night post-rehearsal fast-food dinner). I loved almost every minute of it. Yes, there were times when I was incredibly frustrated and wanted to quit. There were days when I cried because I couldn't get the dance steps right or because kids were working my last damn nerve, but I wouldn't take any of it back. Schools tend to frown upon the very idea that teachers can be friends with students, but when you are with them nearly every day for hours, it's impossible to not form bonds with some of them. These kids are the cream of the crop- they are smart and talented and sweet and dedicated- and I have memories to last a lifetime, but I won't bore you with that. More pictures for you. I'm the smokin' hot beautician on the far left- the only picture of me from the whole production! Told you it was a bit part!



OK, so now I feel like I have sufficiently caught you, all three of you, up on where I have been and we can move forward from here. I am vowing to blog with more regularity. Heck, maybe even two blogs today! I've got to show you what I've been mixing up in my kitchen ;)

The Spark

On my desk Monday morning:

Mrs. Frost,
You've seriously inspired me to do my best and push myself to reach my dreams. I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for holding me and comforting me when that stupid boy was being just that, stupid. Thank you for being the best teacher that I've ever had. Thank you for choosing to be the first in your family to go to college. Thank you for teaching at PCHS. Thank you for being my teacher.

I've been going through a lot, and you were (and still are) the person that I trusted to be able to talk to. I really do believe it was more than just randomness that I had you for a teacher. Our lives are so closely similar. I believe that there was a reason behind you being my teacher. You;re a blessing to me. You;re the person that I can go to about anything. You really have helped me more than you know.

I know that this schools year has been rough on you, but always remember that each day you are a blessing to every single one of us. I know that you're a lot older than me, but I have come to love you as if you were my own older sister. You mean so much to me and other people, so never let little things get you down.

I love you!!
Shai
P.S. I can't wait for the next 6 years to fly by so I can proudly teach beside you.

"Without inspirations, the best powers of the mind remain dormant. There is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks."
Johanna Gottfried Von Herder

Thank you for being my spark- Shai

What can you say to that? This has been a really rough year for me. I have struggled with self-doubt every day.Yet again I find myself the student, and I find myself completely humbled. There is so much more I want to write, but I really feel like this letter should stand on its own to remind me again why I am a teacher.

Things they don't teach you in college...

I always complain that UAB's education curriculum is lacking. I mean, they don't teach you what to do when your janitors constantly hang in the teachers' lounge when you are trying to poo. They don't tell you what to do when a kid pees in his desk on purpose. They don't teach you how to balance working, going to school, having a family, and having a life, and today I realized they don't teach you what to do when a student passes away.

News spreads like wildfire on facebook, so I already knew the girl had passed away before I got to school, but it still didn't give me time to prepare. What do you do when a 17 year-old boy falls into your arms sobbing like a baby? What do you do when kids are devastated by a reality they never knew existed? What do you do when a child cries out to you, "But things like this aren't supposed to happen here?"

Classes on strategic teaching and reading in the content area and measurements and evaluations don't teach you how to care for your students, how to cry with your students, how to help your students heal. I am beyond thankful that I didn't teach the girl who passed away. That sounds awful, but I really don't think I could have made it through the day. I have such a bond and connection with my kids, my heart was breaking vicariously. If I had known her.... I shudder to imagine how I would have coped.

Tonight, as a teacher, I love my students a little more. Tonight, as a parent, I love my son a little more. Tonight, as a student, I wish UAB had taught me a little more.

New Year Resolutions: Welcome Back to School

Wow, first day of school AND a new blog?! I must be getting ambitious in my third year of education. So today was the first day back for students, for the record, as far as I ca tell, teachers don't ever finish one school year to begin another. I actually came out of the better end of the summer deal by being in class full time at UAB. I ended up with more free time than my colleagues in the English Department.

I always dread the first day of school. I was a nervous, anxiety-filled child, and I have remained that way. School was always so nerve-wracking... what if I don't know anyone in the class? What if no one wants to eat with me? What if I wear the "wrong clothes"? The awful possibilities are endless! And this is what I felt as a student and as a teacher! How lame!








Case in point: first year of ninth grade I moved to a new school and wore my nicest hippest outfit (totally in style at the old school)- long hippie dress with empire waist and jelly shoes with socks. Every class I could hear the kids laughing at me but it wasn't until lunch that some bottom feeder was kind enough to tell me, "Hey no one wears jellies with socks. That's gay!" Humiliated I ran to the bottom room to remove my socks. Should have stuffed 'em in my top since I was as flat as a board, but hindsight is 20/20, so they say.

I digress. Every year on New Year's Eve people make resolutions, but really any teacher knows the REAL new year begins on the first day of school. Everything is new and fresh and bright. You have new, high in the sky, expectations for yourself and your students. Here are mine:

I resolve to work out every day, just not today because I had to go upstairs to change clothes and then once I was upstairs I just wanted to grab a drink and relax for a little bit, and then it was dinner time, and soon it will be bedtime. Tomorrow.

I resolve to pick my son up from daycare and prepare a real, home-cooked meal three nights a week. This has been largely neglected for the past two years because I was super busy at UAB, but things are coming to an end this semester so I feel the guilt to absolve some parental and kitchen neglect. In my lazy butt defense, the daycare IS on Curtis's way to and from work and ten miles out of my way, and teaching is exhausting and so is cooking, but eating at home will save money and be healthier. The main reason I don't cook more is by the time I have transformed something from raw and ingredients into something edible, it loses its appeal. The magic is gone and I don't want to eat it. Does this happen to anyone else? OK, daycare and dinner TWO days a week.

I resolve to stress less and appreciate more. It should be clear by now that I am a stress-prone person. Stress aggravates my colon, my sleep, my enjoyment. What I need is a constant Klonipin drip, but doctors frown on that. I am hoping that more frequent blogging will help me with my stress levels by giving me a "vent.' I want to appreciate my husband and son and friends and family more. This is easier to do.

I resolve to continue to be the coolest ass teacher ever. Yes, I am pretty much a big deal. I mean check out these rocking photos of my room. Wouldn't YOU want to learn there? I would! Look at those books, that papasan chair, that rockin' apple, that clever poker-themed bulletin board. My principal LOVES my roos. No, seriously loves it. This makes me super proud, because 1. positive recognition is rare and so wanted and 2. we worked a LONG time on the room. I meet my students today and I am so excited for the school year. I wanted to blog or keep a diary my first year, but I was so overwhelmed with a new baby, a new house, a new job, and going back to school full-time that I time for little but grading, creating work, and sleeping. This year is different. This is "supposed" to be the year a teacher hits her stride, so I am excited. The kids seem great and that's always a relief. One girl said to me today, "My brother said you were a horrible teacher." To which I retorted, "Well, your brother sucked, so is he really the best judge of character?" Technically that's what I said in my head before I jumped across the table and ripped her throat out all "Mean Girls-style"( I was going to say all "Alley McBeal-style" but I didn't want to show my age....


I leave you with a quote that continues to resonate with me about the importance of teaching and a video clip the head of my department shared with me (be warned there are a few choice words, but it is apropros.

I am a teacher! What I do and say are being absorbed by young minds who will echo these images across the ages. My lessons will be immortal, affecting people yet unborn, people I will never see or know. The future of the world is in my classroom today, a future with the potential for good or bad. The pliable minds of tomorrow's leaders will be molded either artistically or grotesquely by what I do.

Several future presidents are learning from me today; so are the great writers of the next decades, and so are all the so-called ordinary people who will make the decisions in a democracy. I must never forget these same young people could be the thieves or murderers of the future.

Only a teacher? Thank God I have a calling to the greatest profession of all! I must be vigilant every day lest I lose one fragile opportunity to improve tomorrow.

Ivan Welton Fitzwater

My First Front Page at Etsy!!!

My Digital Story: Thanks to Stephanie!

href="http://vimeo.com/11199013">Katie's Story from href="http://vimeo.com/user3102351">Stephanie Frost on href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo.

When the teacher becomes the student...

I did not want to get out of bed this morning. I had been up all night hacking up my lungs. I was exhausted and puny. While lying in the cozy cocoon of my bed, I grabbed my cell phone and checked my email, the first thing I do every morning. And I finally got “it.” I hear some sentimental teachers talk about special letters and notes from students, but I haven’t received one. Until this morning. Here’s what my student wrote:


Dear Mrs. Frost,

I want to thanks you for allowing me to borrow your book. It truly means a
lot that you trusted me with your personal belonging.
I've heard great reviews about this book from a couple friends, and I was
so glad when I saw it in your classroom today.
This book made me think a lot about my life and how it's going on. I know
now that I may be ready for college, and all the responsibility that come
with it. And I know that I'm not the only one that actually loves their
friends, and not the only one that actually wants to cry when I see them
hurt.
Charlie also taught me that I should always be honest. With the last scene
when Sam and Charlie were in the bed, and they were having a serious
conversation. "You weren't being a friend at all, because you weren't
being honest with them." I've never had a problem with telling my friends
straight-up what they need to hear. But, I do sometimes have a problem
when it comes to them acting upon me, just like Mary did when they were
dating, and when Patrick kissed him.
Anyway, this book really touched me and made me think a lot. A lot more
then I usually do. It made me want to change from my 'depressed' self, so
a new and improved 'peaceful' self.
Oh, remember the girl I wrote about in my Class notebook?
Well, I pretty much told her to 'Screw Off". (Not word-for-word) After
Four long years of pain she's given me, and all the times she's just
stomped on my kindness. I couldn't take it anymore.. So yeah. She's done.
And, I do miss her still, but I feel a little lighter now. I'm with an old
friend now.. The girl you probably see me walking with
everyday pass your classroom.
Anyway, back on topic. I've never been the 'happiest' kid around. And,
I've been picked on and mistreated since 6th grade from being a heretic.
(I'm not an Atheist, sorry for lying. I just don't believe in your
Christian god. I believe in Life itself, and it's many wonders.) This book
finally let me know that someone is like me. I can't really relate to him
100%, but I can relate enough. We've had different experiences.
In conclusion, thank you so much for letting me borrow your book, and I'll
be sure to bring it back to you tomorrow morning.
And, thanks for letting me talk to you all the time.
(No, I don't think this will have any effect on me in class. Haha, that
isn't what I'm looking for, and I really hope you wouldn't treat me
different.)
Sincerely, D.


I was floored. I was so excited that a student found the real magic and power in a well-written book, and I felt so honored that he shared his feelings with me.
At the same time, I felt like I had let this boy down. “Thanks for letting me talk to you all the time,” he wrote. I wracked my brain and couldn’t recall one single conversation with him. “Good morning,” yes, every day. “How are you today?” I cried. I cried for his pain- a pain I can still relate to from high school. I cried because I became a teacher to touch students the same way my teachers did. To show kids that they are important and can do whatever they want- even if they dress funny or live in a trailor or have crooked teeth or bad skin. Instead I feel like those kids keep falling through the cracks in my classrooms. They are the intelligent, quiet kids who do their work and obey the rules. Unassuming, not squeaky wheels. But hurting and needed encouragement and love. I cried because I spend most of my days trying to make class fun and engaging for jerks who couldn’t care less, and the kids who are interested sit patiently, eager to learn, while to other goof off.
It is so hard to give that individualized instruction to every student when they all need and crave attention. I wish I could go into my class and say, “I am here to teach students who want to learn. So if you don’t want to, go to the principal and explain to her why you don’t care.” But I can’t do that. This is why I often feel like English (especially literature-based ELA) should be an elective. Maybe that way I could have classes full of thoughtful students like Dustin. I feel like I have failed him. Is he a better person for being in my class? Have I taught him anything? He taught me something very important. I am not doing my job to its fullest. I am failing. Yes, I know the content. Yes, I can write an engaging lesson plan. But can I change lives? Can I encourage and inspire?
I didn’t treat him any differently. I left a note in his bell ringer notebook to let him know that I had responded to his email and left it at that. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to apologize to him. I wanted to tell him high school is not everything. There is so much waiting for him beyond the walls of PCHS. The world is so big.

The book he read was Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Two quotes that stand out for me are:

So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose wherever we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them...

AND

I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report due on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why.





I think he’ll be okay. I hope I will.